Happy New Year 2014. :) okay its quite late to wish. but hey we're in another year! Thank God we're save :') so its been so long long second minute hoursss i didn't put any silly stuff here. 

and I went until this far. I am now at Kolej Sains Kesihatan Sungai Buloh, Selangor. as a student of PT. 

I got the Physiotherapy course and currently on the step of Sem 1. yayy :D its just started. Actually you know I'm sleepy, I have a lots to share, I'm having a class tomorrow, and its Physic, Gonna wake at 4 and refresh, well I hope I'll not be that cruel to my alarn. -.- I'm super tired. yeah. lots of things that tiring me today.  whatever it is, Thank God for strengthen me! Halleluyah! 

Nice day huh :)

Well, there's nothing much I could say. Daddy is not at home,Sister, I've no idea what she's doing, Broth he's still stuck in dreamworld meet Superman. Mom, I hope she's doing okay. I miss you mom. Love, he's working. I miss him too. Well, I hope you just know that. there's nothing I can do bout it tho, I'm bored. I don't know. I hope I have homeworksssssssss. hm :( I can't even wait going back to school. please don't be sick again me. please. I miss to study. oh world SATISFY ME. hm what bout movie now? sounds easy! okay off to doommmm. -.-

It's rainy..

Talking about rain, I suddenly think of my late friend, "Janessa" She's one of my closest and good friend since i was in primary 1 until 6. we've been friends for only 6 years. and those 6 years brought a lot of memories. I still remember when we used to go on trip together, go around the school. laugh bout nothing, craziness all those thing that made us happy being together. She spent me ice cream and we ate at the same place together. We finish up our school work together. we cried together. we cared at each other.

There's a time that I was so happy and excited to go to school. Suddenly there's our junior ran over me and said "Your friend! Your friend! your friend..right.. your friend Janessa!"I replied nicely, "Yes, why her?" she took a deep breath and said "She died last night.. She died?" seriously, I didn't believe her. I said to her " Don't play around. what? why? died? no she's not"..

I left her. I walked slowly into my class with uneasy feeling.. I sudeenly stopped when I reached at the door. I saw my classmates. They're crying.. I still didn't believe, I EVEN LAUGHED. I walked into them and I asked what actually happened and.. they said "Our friend, Janessa. She's no longer with us.."
I smiled and, I.. I asked them "why.." her cousin replied that she died by hanging up herself. I was shocked. Its hard for me to believe. I felt so weak.. I.. only God knows how I feel at the very moment.I took my time to be alone.. I imagined that she's at my side. sat beside me. I saw her. Im talking to her.. I..laughed with her.. she smiled.. she said "its okay"

the next day, we went to her house. I brought her fresh beautiful flowers. As I step into her house, I cried. I put the flowers beside her.. with such a pretty white dress.. She's still beautiful as always.. By the time, I couldn't accept the fate that she's actually gone.. leave us for forever.. There's nothing I could do rather than cried and cried. I want to hug her. I want to be with her. I supposed to save her! I couldn't stand.. I cried a lot.. Those memories touch me until now.. I miss you Janessa.. I miss us.. I miss..you.. you always remind in my heart forever..I hope you are happy up there..

I started to enjoy Plkn's camp. I met new friends I met a lot of them. Some of them are nice, cool, and satisfying. Yeah, its good to have them. I like to be in the class most of the time. And we have pass 4 module.and it was totally and extremely fun. We changed group for every module and it was nice to know some of new buddy.

there's a time that we have to write a letter to someone we love the most.
I choose my mom.
she's the only one in my mind at the very moment. I wrote to her something that she should ever know. something I've never said before. Something she has to believe. The letter full of my words. Slowly,  I cried. I miss her. It's like im talking to her, I could imagine that she's just beside me. I miss her. God, I miss her..

***

I ended up my words with "I miss you mom" and when it comes to signature, I started to smile. I smiled happily. Hoping that this letter will be sent to her. and so she'd know.
 when it comes to the address, I stopped.I suddenly stopped. I smiled, My tears start to rolled down on my cheeks. I shed it up. I continued smile. and talk to my heart "I'm a fool" where's my mom? where is she now? what's her address? where is she? where is she? I.. speechless. I took the glue and get it into my letter. pretend that I'm okay and I keep it to myself. I still keep it until today. Those things that she should know is still hiding. she still don't know. she don't know.
she don't..even.. ..know..

Mum,
Its been a while,how are you? have you eat yet? have you ever think of me again? do you miss me? do you still love me? where are you?

do you ever feel when that someone you really need to be with is not with you as at the same time, you feel miserable. you bear the feelings alone. you cried. and you pretend too much to be okay when actually you dying inside. not everyone could feel you. or maybe, not even one. let yourself down. couldn't stand up. trying to catch the star and then you finally give up. all your thoughts going nowhere.

someone comes to you. He wants to be with you. He takes your hand to get you up from the dark. He bear the feelings you bear together with him. He cries with you. He smile. He wants you to smile for everything that comes to you. He wants to see your smile even when he's going somewhere and not be with you. He wants you to be strong. He wants you to love, to live. live the life He wants you. He loves you. He needs you. He protects you.
you worry bout your look to the people surrounding you. but with him, not anymore. you be what you want to. He gets you up every time you feeling down. He shed your tears when you're crying. He brought you to a special place. a special place called "Heart" his Heart. You feel secure. you feel like there's no one can let you down. you can be stronger. stronger like him. He lead you to the bright and right way.


you trust yourself. you can stand for yourself. you love, you live. and you finally,
smile.
....